But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
