I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
