it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
