last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
