so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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