How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
