Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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