nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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