omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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