Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
