1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
