Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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