Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
