I'm so fucking centered right now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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