I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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