shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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