He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
