don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
