I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
