the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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