seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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