This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
