I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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