She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
