so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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