I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
