i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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