You just made me feel so damn special
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
