Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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