Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i need to put some appletini on your dick
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
