carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You need Xanax blowdarts
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
