Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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