He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
