Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
