Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
