hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
