This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
