I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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