Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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