is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
