____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
