I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
