piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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