Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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