hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
