my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
