The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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