As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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