Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
