my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
