ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
