please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
