One girl and one boy is just not enough.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
