This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
