I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
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i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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