$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
