I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
