Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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