I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
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JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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