i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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