I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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