someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
