Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
