She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
