I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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