Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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