i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
