I'm so fucking centered right now
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
