Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
