Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
