dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
