That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
