new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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