I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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