Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
