You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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