I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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